OK, I am feeling a little (OK, a lot) selfish. Finding out that W could be really sick totally blindsided me. I was not expecting anything of this sort, nothing even close.
I am feeling like the worst person in the world because of my reaction. My first thought was "oh no, not now. We're not done, not even close to being done. We are just beginning, beginning the mentor/men tee relationship." I have felt from the first days that we were put together for a reason. Despite all of the differences, there is this connection, an admiration that I have for all that she has done, all she has learned and all that she believes. I have so much to learn from her, she has so much to make me learn.....
The interaction we have had has taken on this strange sort of give and take. She guides me with probing questions that as I answer, I gain insight into my 'quirks.' She encourages me and has become an advocate of mine, at the same time, as all of this development is taking place on my side, she is continuing her character research, her 'people studies.' She asks question with specific motives behind them..... Insight, she really wants to understand and 'insider knowledge' that I really want her to have.
So I humor, and actually long for her questions because I love where they lead me. I love to hear her take, I love knowing that I am lending insight to someone who truly longs for it.
I thought about how I don't want to see her hurt and go through a physical deterioration. I don't want to watch her deal with pain and fear. I thought about how sensitive she is and how she will worry about all of those around her.
"No, no, no!" I thought, "Not W. Not my friend, not this beautiful woman I look up to! Not yet, we're not done!"
And then I quieted the outrage in my head and thought "Wait, have I somehow made this all about me? What about Winslow!"