Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Why some species really eat their young....

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He's smart, funny, loving, polite and very well could be the BEST-KID-EVER... well until this...

Sometimes, he says things that make me wonder if he is secretly trying to get back at me for the time when he was 3 and I put him in a pink tutu -just for a minute-to get 'a couple of quick photographs' (I had to get a light reading for a shoot later that day- I swear!!) or if he is just totally oblivious.





Let me set the scene. It was Saturday morning. The local ski/board store was having an end of season sale, 40% off! The 10 Year Old was physced to find a new board, he had been saving for months.

So I rolled out of bed, put on yoga pants, sweat shirt, smartwool socks (they are my new favorite piece of clothing- a must for a New England winter,) and threw on some sunglasses to cover the dark circles under my eyes. I loaded 10 YO and 6YO into the truck, skipped my coffee stop, and drove straight to the store..... after all it was a good sale and there were only a limited number of "grom" boards to be had. Thinking back, I don't think I even brushed my hair, we had to go, go, go and I was looking hot hot hot!

We get to the store and the boys go directly downstairs to where everything snowboard lives. We were the first to arrive.

Right away, 10YO finds a board, he holds it up next to him and says "I like this one." About that time one of the available sales guys came over. He was definitely a boarder, you could tell- not at all uptight like the skiers seem to be.... We will call him Snowboard Dude. SBD starts in on 10YO. They click immediately. He's kinda cute in a "he's totally not my type, he's good with kids, but I am happily off the market" kinda way.....

For at least 10 minutes, the two talk boards, rails, and bindings and I sneak upstairs to feed my smartwool sock addiction and to escape all of that 'bro' bonding crap.

When I return, the two - 10YO and SBD- are best buds and content- having expressed a comfortable number of Spicoli-esq exchanges. Upon seeing me the YO's ask if they can wait in the car while I completed the purchase. Ok, finally- we are on our way out, that means COFFEE!

But wait, not so fast!

SBD starts talking my ear off about how 10YO's new board might be a little too large for him. .... There's more board to dig into the snow, more board to move, which will be more work and may mean sore legs the first few rides. He explains that 10YO might notice a significant difference riding this size of a board and to watch to make sure he does not get discouraged- After all, we wouldn't want to loose a young snowboarder to skiing-GASP!

Ok, so those aren't the exact words he used but I think I translated it pretty good -I think- I will admit though that when he explained it did sound much cooler and hip with words like "dude" and "shredding" thrown in.

Anyway, SBD tells me that he rides with kids and starts throwing out all of his credentials - single dad of 6 year old- coaches soccer- judges the freestyle contests-etc etc etc.

Then he asks me if I ride. (uh-oh, here it comes)


Wait! For real, is this guy really going to hit on me? I look like total trash, have not had my coffee and i think the corner of my pant leg is tucked into my bright orange wool sock!!! hmm, no way that's not what's about to happen!

I go onto explain how I used to ski way back when - from the age of 14 to maybe 21- when I was a lot less proud and didn't mind making a total ass out of myself skiing down the bunny hill with an instructor yelling "PIZZA! PI-ZZ-A!!!" behind me. I told him that over the last couple of years I tried to "switch" to riding a but it never really stuck. However, I did not tell him that maybe it didn't 'stick' because I was traumatized by my baby (baby by a whole decade) brothers' best friend putting the moves on me while trying to show me how to carve.... maybe I was too disturbed and wondering if I was really old enough to be a MILF, that I couldn't focus on really trying to dig in- I dunno it's the theory I'm sticking to, I like it better than just not being coordinated enough to pick up what 10YO mastered 3 years ago....

10YO scampered back in and SBD went to work on binding placement-
'what we're not done yet?'
Meanwhile SBD continues on and proceeds to offer his assistance with 10YO and his new board and wait! SBD can help me learn to ride also.
Hmmm I think he is suggesting something, but I play dumb- I am really good at that.
So he finishes up, I pay (YESSS!- coffee time) then IT happens. The blatant-balls out proposition....

It went something like this:
SBD-
"Just stop back in if you want me to ride with him"
ME-
not making any eye contact, not even looking in his direction "hm- ok- thanks, he would probably like that."
SBD- "Then maybe you would let me take you to dinner?"
ME-
HUH- what? Wait? In front of my kid, really? "UH- uhh.... I don't think so, that's not a good idea." Awkward- like totally uncomfortable LONG pause and eye contact avoidance.
ME- "My boyfriend would not like that." - easy, polite, direct- leaving no room for interpretation....

Ready for this one?
You sure? I'm not... I cringe just thinking about it!

10YO- "Yeah my dad didn't like it either."

OH YES HE DID!
Whoa!!! Ok my angelic, almost perfect, firstborn child..... let's get the hell out of here, like- NOW so that I can proceed to eat you the way I should have at the moment of your birth.
Me- "EXCUSE ME? WHAT DID YOU SAY?"
So now, I have totally blown the recovery of any shred of humility I have left, my reaction said everything that 10YO did not mean!!!
SBD- chuckles and politely says- "No worries dude, I didn't hear anything." - note he was speaking directly to 10YO NOT me, the girl he was just propositioning in front of what had become -a full and bustling room of boarders most of which were waiting on SBD and his expertise!!

10YO and I haul serious ass up the stairs. I don't even glance in SBD's direction, not even a little. Actually, I believe my eyes were closed until I got outside...... "if i can't see him, he can't see me" kind of thing
10YO seems confused...."Well, he didn't like it when you had friends that were boys, he still doesn't..." the poor kid stammered as I suddenly understood what his comment meant. I wondered if I could somehow get him to repeat those same words back to SBD and the room full of boarders in the basement so that he- so that they all "get it."
What is that about???? I decided - rather rationally -that anything my spawn or I could say would only be more humiliating, besides who was this guy anyway????
Here is what I learned from this....
1) See how I jump right back to being defensive? To this day, AD blames me for our split, swearing I had to have cheated. Why else would I have left him, I mean really- what's a couple of black eye's, a drug addiction, and a girlfriend on the side? He was the ultimate catch- I would never leave on my own accord!!!! 10YO's comment put me right back in that defensive mode before I even stopped to think about what he was trying to say.... 10YO spoke the truth, of course AD didn't like me having friends that were boys, whether we were married, living in the same state, or 900 miles apart....
sigh.....
2) my first born is just brilliant and quite possibly THE-BEST-KID-EVER!!!



So that brings us to now. ....

10YO loves his board despite SBD's warning of discouragement over it's size. 10YO got his terrain park pass and started rails and jumping.....It was there he found and connected with SBG (Snowboard God) but that's a whole other post!

As for me, I speed up, blush AND close my eyes every time I drive by the ski/board shop. Then I come home and hug my best friend, ever so thankful that he "gets it" without me having to explain it...

1 comment:

  1. OMGOSHHHHHH! What a RIOT! Just no way outta that situation with any grace I suppose. Maybe you'll run into him one of these days and it'll just become a funny story you can share.

    My son just turned 14 on the day you posted this. Aren't boys amazing?

    I'm sorry you went through such a hellish experience but been there and done that myself. So glad you escaped. Me too.

    I found your site through PW. Sometimes I just scout around looking for new blogs. I didn't know your post was anything about skiing or riding but I just posted a skiing story today.

    Anyway, great read. Blessings to you all! :)

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