The Bird's Nest

I tried it..... it's not as easy as it looks

-or I just lack the grace and discipline to pull off such a pose

Mr. BrightSide

It has been 28 days since I hugged my boys good-bye and watched as the person I trust the least with their physical and emotional well being, drove away with them in the backseat. Twenty eight days they have been away and 16 until they return!

Whoa, wait....only 16 more days of having NY all to myself?

I was looking ahead to the boys' return and was shocked when I realized that we are past the half way mark. Now that we are in the home stretch, I felt a twinge of consternation -just a twinge..... less than a bit but more than none at all!

It's just that my time alone with NY is normally pretty rare. Because of location, I only get him on the weekends to begin with and we have either 4 boys or 2 -but never zero! And even though we get a babysitter for my kids, one dinner every other week is scant... cherished yet scant. Gone are the days of dropping off the boys to my parents for a night or two and escaping for a long weekend full of belly laughs and this smile.....

(I love that smile, and the laugh? Even more!)

So I guess what I am saying is that even though I miss and worry about my boys, I absolutely love the time that NY and I have alone together.

No play dates, baseball practice, or birthday parties to interrupt our Sunday mornings. We have the freedom to decide at 11pm that we should venture out in search of an open restaurant knowing that we won't find one but sure we will have fun cruising around none the less. We can go to a nice restaurant, share wine, and have an uninterrupted conversation without worrying about the time and having to get the babysitter home. We can make inappropriate jokes without hesitation or consideration for little ears -but for the record, that is NY's territory.... We can work on the house for 12 hours without a fight breaking out in the living room or the kitchen catching on fire because of the rugrats scavenging for food.

The last 28 days we have been:

a little absurd

maybe sentimental

(okay, maybe not -we're too busy laughing)

a tad PMS-ish -that's typically my territory...except when NY is paddling, he gets a tad moody as well :)

(and I must say, even when I am crazy hormonal and emotional, NY can talk me down -or at least gets me to crack a smile)

playful

full of laughs

spontaneous

and sometimes, just plain stupid.....

(alright, alright -alot of plain stupidity.....that's our specialty ok?)

we have been all these things together -ALONE! and it has been delightful.

If the boys have to spend 45 days in OH, I can't imagine a better way to spend my time while awaiting their return!

Although I'm looking forward to summer coming to a close, I think I am okay with a little loitering along the way!

sigh....

Buzzing

My 6YO is one of those kids who does not seem physically afraid of anything. He is not one of those kids who shrieks and pulls away when an over anxious dog rushes him and he won't jump away when a snake slithers out of the brush. No, he is one of those kids who seems to think fear is a weakness so even if he was afraid, he would never show it.....

Except when it comes to BEES! As soon as he hears the "buzzzzz" he freaks. A giant boa constrictor? Bring it on!! But a tiny fuzzy bee? No place is safe!

He is terrified of bees. I think it goes back to when he was 18 months old and he was stung by two bees, one after the other. The first right smack dab in the middle of his forehead and the other on his temple. I remember that day. We were at 10YO's soccer game and the fields were swarming with bumble bees. When he got stung, he cried and I watched as his forehead and temple swelled to the size of a walnut and then I did what any mother would do... I took pictures, yep that's right, I took a few shots before I put the camera down to comfort him.

And that was the beginning of a phobia.... My baby got stung by two huge bumble bees and I took pictures of his wounds. How sick is that?

Anyway, he just hasn't been the same since... Poor kid.

But despite his fear of bees and my cold hearted reaction to this (very legitamate) fear of his -he still manages to fake a smile for me!

Oh how I miss that smile!

I think when they get home from thier dad's I will put the camera away for awhile -ok, maybe just a day or two. Experiances like that are character builders, right?

Days until the next character building opportunity:

20!

Flashback...

Background: After 23 days and attempting to lessen the feelings of loss that seem to be growing with each passing day, I decided to distract myself with photos. I have hundreds of photos stored various places documenting the numerous activities that took place the weeks prior to the boys departing. So, I will post some of my favorites...

Find what's unusual with this photo....

It's not blatantly obvious.

Hint: Look at the shot below.....

(The 2nd baseman in the bright blue jersey is my 10YO )

Now look at #1 one again.....

Okay, give up? Here is a clue.

10YO and I nicknamed the kid in photo #1 "gigantor" or "humongousaurus" Does that help?

Let's be clear though, we speak at of the utmost respect, we are not making fun of this boy -who happens to be an INCREDIBLE baseball player by the way.

Actually, my boy and I are kind of envious. See, I am 5'2 and my ex maybe 5'9.... so 10YO is destined to be little.

Ahh well, that's it for my evening photo reflection from a June baseball game.... I had to laugh when I came across the photo and thought I would share.

Please don't think less of me.

22 days!

Silence

24 Days and Counting

My Fortune....

Went to my favorite Chinese restaurant with my most cherished companion the other night, this was my fortune...

"Your deeds speak so much louder than another's words."

I hope this holds true even when the words are spoken by a charming and convincing sociopath who showers you with gifts and lets you do things your other parent always says "NO WAY" to.....

Quiet

It's way too quiet. Too quiet here -in this house- and on the phone with my 10YO.

Something is not right. All I get are one word answers but worse than that is his voice -it's horrible, just horrible. I talk to them at bedtime everyday and each day he has sounded worse than the day before.

Now I know that my wise and level headed better half would tell me "he's fine. Things are different and he's just getting used to it- give him a week or so." Which means he's thinking "she's a little paranoid and a lot over protective. She has to let it go and stop reading into things."

But the thing is, I know my kids -especially that kid. I can read him with my eyes closed. Something didn't necessarily happen, but something is bothering him. He is the type of kid whose feelings get hurt if the lifeguard tells him to stop running at the pool, so obviously he is extremely sensitive and very prone to worrying about the smallest things.

I know something is off, he is worried about something; everything in me tells me so. Not only do I hear it in his voice and in his words -or lack thereof- but I feel it. Everything inside of me tells me so and I can't get the kid on the phone without someone (his dad) hovering over his every word.....

And they have only been gone one week.... one week today, actually -not that I'm keeping track or anything.

I am so distracted I can't even focus MJ's memorial -you know the important stuff.

But 6YO was much more enthusiastic , wide awake, and responsive tonight despite having a "sugar-less day" as punishment for yesterday's crime..... Gee imagine that, no sugar and the kid is more lively and energetic -maybe someone should explain a sugar/caffeine crash to dad's girlfriend or the creator/enforcer of the brilliant "sugar-less day" punishment.....

"Talk me down man, TALK - ME - DOWN...."